The holidays have been trying as I am sure you can relate:
A relative is mad at me.
A sibling still wishes I wasn’t born.
My oldest pushes my buttons.
My father is running out of time.
These and a whole host of minor situations over the past month have tested my ability to coach myself. That isn’t easy. Especially since by definition, it is a cooperative process.
Coaching is a cooperative process accessing the client’s strengths. Together we bring awareness to habits and belief systems initiating changes physically, personally and spiritually.
Oh wait, that’s my coaching definition. Most coaches would agree with the beginning of the definition, I have added physically, personally and spiritually. When I coach clients, we discover what works for them and what doesn’t by bringing awareness to their habits and belief systems. Not everything works for everyone so coaching is a process of trial and error making it challenging to coach oneself.
The biggest challenge when you are being coached is to pull upon your strengths, practice new habits and integrate new belief systems when the triggers show up. Just when I’m thinking, “i’ve got this,” I get a phone call that my father isn’t doing well. This conjures up all kinds of family of origin stuff (maybe it’s time for therapy?). Or I show up to a get-together to find out a relative has been upset with me for weeks (pat-on-the-back hug was my first clue). Or my oldest at week’s end (and probably wit’s end) was struggling with a mishap and I’m the recipient of the wrath. I’ve got to dig. I’ve got to dig deep.
I’ve recently rewatched Avatar. In the movie, the Na’vi (inhabitants of the planet Pandora) say “I see you.” This is one of the truest, most beautiful and powerful of statements. It means “I see your Higher Self.” “I see You.” What does that mean? It means I see You as the purest form of love. I see your Spirit. What does this have to do with my triggers and coaching myself? For me, everything.
It is while watching this movie, I realize I do have the power to coach the coach. Yes it is a cooperative process between two. In my case it is between my ego and my Higher Self. If I can just bring awareness to the feelings of frustration, hurt, disappointment and sadness as egoic and return to love, all of this will pass and with a lot less drama.
All triggers are egoic. All drama is egoic. All emotions except love are egoic. Step back. Maybe even pretend you are watching yourself from above. Give it some space. Don’t react right away (this is a BIG one). Call upon your Higher Self. Recognize the love inside you as pure and with intention shower the situation with your love.
Yes, the coach can be coached. She just needed the space to recognize the ego. In 2020 and beyond, I resolve to see You and Me.