Because the Enneagram doesn’t belong to one person or institute, you will find as you deep dive there are plenty of theories discussed. One such theory is the triad, or should I say triad(s), since there are quite a few theories grouping the numbers into different aspects. Today, I will cover just a couple of these, otherwise, the weeds get a little thick.

I think the most important one is the Harmonic triad as it sheds light on our differing conflict styles. This triad can help type identify the people in your life (or at least narrow their type down) because pretty much everyone can point fingers and discern someone’s conflict style. Personally, I go right into rational thinking (competency). My husband, not so much. He gets reactive. However, knowing this (especially in the heat of the not-so-comfortable moment) allows me to give myself and him some space. Note: Your partner does not need to know their style but you will benefit greatly from acknowledging yours and rest in the knowledge of knowing theirs (without being an I-told-you-so). Take a look below and see which category you fall into.

Positive Outlook Group: Types 2, 7, and 9 maintain a positive perspective when faced with conflict.

2:  You have a problem, I can help

7:  There may be a problem, but I am fine

9:  What problem?  I don’t think there is one

Competency Group: Types 1, 3, and 5 prioritize competence and may suppress their feelings to tackle conflict effectively.

1:  I’m sure we can solve this like adults

3:  We need to work towards an efficient solution

5:  There are a number of hidden issues here, let me think about this

Reactive Group: Types 4, 6, and 8 react strongly to conflict and often expect others to do the same.

4:  I feel really hurt and I need to express myself

6:  I feel really pressured and I’ve got to let off some steam

8:  I’m angry about this and you are going to hear about it

The second triad I like to discuss is the Hornevian triad, named after psychologist Karen Horney. This triad takes a different level of self-awareness and is deeper than our conflict styles. It is the kind of knowledge you really didn’t think much about. And then you get typed. And then you get thinking. This triad—also called Stances—reveals how we interact with others to meet our needs. I’m not a therapist, but I can tell you this triad is next level. Here’s the breakdown:

Compliant/Dutiful Group: Types 1, 2, and 6 tend to comply with others’ expectations to achieve their desires.

1:  How good am I? How well am I doing?

2:  How loved am I? How much do I matter to others?

6.  How safe am I?  Are others close enough to make me feel safe?

Aggressive/Assertive Group: Types 3, 7, and 8 assert themselves actively to meet their needs.

3:  I’m in competition with everyone, including myself

7.  Others’ negative energy is the worst

8.  I need to go big or bigger

Withdrawn/Withholding Group: Types 4, 5, and 9 withdraw or withhold to protect themselves.

4.  I can feel my way through this

5.  I can think my way through this

9.  If I ignore it, maybe it will go away

So there you have it. Two of the many Enneagram triads. For now, this is all you need to know. Start bringing awareness to your conflict style and your stance, and you’ll see a whole new world of personal growth. All growth begins with awareness.