I know it is coming

the daylight

not as long

The trees shaking off 

their colors

crimson

gold

tangerine

That feeling is coming

Blame it 

on my least favorite 

season approaching

That’s it, yes

that feeling  

Winter is coming

and it is long

The soccer field sidelines

are windy now

and rainy

and did I mention 

cold

Soon, we gain an hour of sleep 

But not before 

Halloween comes

and goes

Oh yes, this feeling 

isn’t about Winter

Unlike the trees

I can’t shake this one off

until November first

When I’ve made it

through another Halloween

This feeling comes

and goes 

But not without

weeks of anticipation

Every year I say

This year 

will be different

this year

I will go down to Main Street

This year

I will take in the 

booing ghosts

prepared-to-rescue super heroines

painstakingly sewn

or glued

or taped

Butterflies, Ladybugs

Bunch of Grapes

Race cars, Athletes

Monsters

An overflowing cornucopia

of make-believe

This year I will take them all in

And although the sentiment

Is legit

The thought of it

Makes my eyes water

Remembering my little

Ghost 

Superheroine

or in my case

hot-glued

ladybugs

Do I really want to be that mom

disguised as a Killjoy

or not so disguised

crying at the sight

of the cutest little ones

as their magical night

unfolds?

It’s always been

one of my favorite nights

the innocence 

and excitement

the anticipation

the thrill 

of receiving from total strangers

a treat 

or a

a trick

Remember to say thank you

The pillowcase getting heavier

Wow, they gave me a huge

candy bar

You have to wait until

we get home

Once home, their loot

spilled out onto the floor

counting the pieces

dividing them into groups

The older ones realizing

it is advantageous to retreat

Last year was better

No, it wasn’t

Chocolate ones here

hands-off ones there

or maybe organize them by color

Decisions decisions

The yucky ones handed

to a sibling or parent

Is there such a thing as a yucky one?

Ah yes, banana Laffy Taffy

or worse, a Twizzler

What no Smarties this year?

It’s been five years 

since our home experienced

the ritual of candy divvying

Our last Halloween

was the one 

we were allowed to come with him

Never too cool for us

yet Halloween was the exception

The next one on his own

and then there were none

for him 

joining the ranks of

his older siblings

The inevitability I dreaded

I know he did too

The ghost of Halloween past

haunts me

every year

I can try to

blame it on the weather

But I know better

I miss my little ones’

little-ness

their wonder

excitement

the thrill of too much candy

even after I had pilfered through it

But I think maybe this loss

represents so much more

No more

Santa 

Easter Bunny 

Tooth Fairy

The loss of Innocence

This is a lucky life

without much struggle

or sadness

or loss

I know

This is a loss every

parent experiences

I know

Other mothers have 

Lost so much more

Much deeper losses

Much harder losses

I definitely know

And we all know

when innocence is lost

the loss is felt

for some more than others

I know I am not ready

to enjoy

another family’s rite

Enjoying

their children’s screeches of delight

The passage of time will tell

Maybe that is

today’s lesson

More time is needed

and that is ok

Until another Halloween

comes around

When if the Spirit is ready 

the ghost of Halloween past 

may finally be laid to rest