On any given day, we wear all kinds of hats. I’m not talking about the one (and only one) black knit Lululemon winter hat I’ve been wearing for the past six months (yes, Winter is ridiculous in VT, and yes thank goodness for mud season - there, I said it). I’m talking about the figurative hats we wear daily and what might happen if we took them off, peeled them away.

Of course, we wear the typical ones: Spouse/Partner, Parent, Employee/Employer, Friend, Child, Sibling, Community member. All of these hats have stories we have associated with them. You may have even done the work from The little Guide to Finding Our Lost Souls (completely shameless plug) to discover these roles and those stories that go along with them. There are those hats and then there are others, slightly more nuanced, maybe a hat we wear under that Top hat

Raise your hand if you recognize any of them:

The Lawnmower Parent (if you don’t know what this is, you may want to find out) Top Hat: Parent

The Enabler Top Hat: Spouse/Partner, Parent, Employee/Employer, Friend, Child, Sibling, Community member

The Drama Queen Top Hat: Friend, Sibling, Employee

The Energy Vampire Top Hat: “Friend”, Employee, Community Member

The People Pleaser Top Hat: Spouse/Partner, Parent, Employee/Employer, Friend, Child, Sibling, Community member

or maybe some more positive-sounding hats….

The Connector Top Hat: Employee, Friend, Community Member

The Mentor Top Hat: Employee/Employee, Community Member

Mr. Nice Guy Top Hat: Employer/Employee (no gender shaming, just using it as an example)

Mr./Mrs Popularity Top Hat: Employee/Employee, Friend, Community Member

The Helper Top Hat: Spouse/Partner, Parent, Employee/Employer, Friend, Child, Sibling, Community member

No matter the hat, whether somewhat positive or negative, with some awareness we can learn to bring even more to our experiences than what typically (almost predictably) happens when wearing that hat with those stories. A lot more.

When I think of my role as I parent Youngest, I have to reign in my desire to do everything for him (the Lawnmower Parent). Just because I have the time and energy doesn’t mean I should spend it on removing all obstacles and paving the way. Obstacle removal does not help him. In fact, it is quite harmful, giving him zero coping skills and resilience when it comes to feeling failure and in turn, the necessary grit to overcome these failures. I don’t think I am a Lawnmower Parent but then again, I may not always be aware of what I am doing! (Daily practicing this one.) It starts with being aware of my behavior. But let’s peel back even more.

Let’s say I’m I fully awake and take off the Lawnmower hat in a particularly stressful situation with Youngest. I give the experience some space and breathe, in the moment. This is for me (level I), for him (level II) , for our relationship (level III) but even more powerfully, this allows Grace to show up - Spirit, Love, Source. At which point, I am guided with more clarity as I listen to the intuition that comes, not from me, not from my stories, but from a more vast place, a place of infinite possibilities. I allow the unfolding of what is to come, I allow the mystery to unveil itself. I consciously give space for Grace to enter and now Youngest has the space to grow, without my controlling actions taking the lead. I release my Influenced Self stories, the stories of how I think I know what is best for him (thinking always gets me in trouble) and allow room for True Self to show up, greater love, deeper patience, and the allowance of surrender. The moment has been touched by Source and has given me and Youngest an opportunity for a much more powerful connection, more than mother and son. This technique can also be applied to our more casual relationships, where the more positive-sounding hats are usually worn. Let’s take a look.

When we wear these positive hats, (The Connector, The Mentor, Mr. Nice Guy, The Helper, etc) our Influenced Self just lights up. Usually paired with some God-given talents, these hats seemingly offer more to the community, as the Other is recognized. God-given talents paired with the Other - sounds like a recipe for living a life with intention! But we need to be careful here. The Influenced Self has a sneaky way of feeding off the ego-driven hats people have allowed us to wear, and have wholeheartedly embraced, given our special skillsets. For example, a client of mine loves to be The Helper, you would definitely say she has a God-given talent. She has learned, by becoming more aware, this expectation of her doesn’t always serve her. She has a difficult time with boundaries yet her Influenced Self loves the recognition of “always being there” for people. This can be a slippery slope and the Influenced Self’s hunger for attention and recognition can be the driving force for the giving of the talent as opposed to shining her light with authenticity. Check yourself. Is my action from my Influenced Self? Can Source shine through me without the need for the recognition and expectations of others by taking a moment, some space, some breath, and allowing Grace to guide me instead of my stories? When you listen, truly listen, you will be guided. For my client, she may hear the voice say “you are overdoing this” and is a moment of connection with something bigger than her, her inner guide. Listening to this is far more powerful than showcasing your God-given talents for outside approval because it gives you the ability to really show up for people, really be present where you and the Other, and you can both shine your light, in reciprocity, the way Source intended.

As Spring shows up (or mud in Vermont’s case), witness the natural changes around you and embrace the natural changes you too can make. We are given seasons for a reason, a life filled with purpose and intention can’t be supported by the same thing every single day. We, too, need to make some changes. I, for one, am looking forward to taking off my Winter hat(s), literally and figuratively, and allowing the mud, ahem, Spring to transform me. Even if it gets a little messy.