The Know-It-All Discovers Her Shadow - Yes, you have one too.

I’m sort of a know it all. No, not outwardly. If that were the case, I would have even fewer friends. I mean inside, I feel like I know what I need to know and that I have life pretty much figured out.

And then, March came and left.

You see, March was, according to my astrologist, supposed to be a time when I was to have some sort of in-the-stars, absolutely-meant-to-be, fateful moment where I was going to change the world. Oprah would call and recommend my book. Ted would invite me to talk and I would light the world on fire. My coaching practice will blow up and I will be a change agent with rippling effects. Each day ticked by until the days turned to weeks and the weeks turned to a month. And it was over.

Photo by Denis Degioanni on Unsplash

Months earlier, I had given up social media stating it took too much energy. I decided to curate my days and make them super duper productive. I would purchase more (used) books on my latest learning obsession, Enneagram, and Saboteurs, with plans for more arrows in the coaching quiver. I discovered more arrows, all right. Pointing right at me.

You see, I am a type 5 on the Enneagram. I laughed out loud when the Audible Author (it is not enough to just READ about Enneagrams) described the moment in a Five’s life where she returns home to hoard her energy and time (and books apparently) because she is under the wrong impression that she is incapable of giving anything more. I don’t even like sharing my food. 

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The Five’s Deadly Sin (if you want to get biblical) is Avarice which in Enneagram language is interpreted as Withholding. Five’s think their way through everything (hence the whole “I’ve got life figured out thing”), miss the heart connection, and spend most of the time rationalizing everything. I can tell you that I have had many come-to-Five moments during this new learning obsession and it has made me face my shadow — withholding.

This withholding ‘sin’ whether it be time, space, love, energy, knowledge, etc means even though you live with people and connect with them daily, you are pretty much on an island. This makes any type of ground-breaking “written in the stars” moment, nearly impossible to happen since I didn’t give it any energy. Chalking it up to “living in the mystery” isn’t conducive to getting myself out there. Curating my afternoons for more work and less socializing and/or giving in any way stops the energy flow. And my message to the Universe, “Leave me alone.” So she did.

Everyone, yes, every single person has an Enneagram type. The types are all beautiful (with gifts) and they all have their struggles (Saboteurs) — we are human after all. But what I love about the Enneagram is deep inside each of us is a secret code that once we unlock this code we can live a much more complete life. Armed with the knowledge that I am a Five, I’m learning to say yes to things I would NEVER say yes to — the offer to a stranger to join me on the golf course, the speaking engagement, sharing my golf lesson time, yes, you can have a bite of my food. Who is this person?

It is the one I want to be. I don’t want to go through life, sound asleep, doing life the same way I’ve been doing it. Complaining about having to go out with friends. Sharing my books (or food). Thinking I have it all figured out, which apparently, I don’t.

Part of this process makes me very sad. Sad for the person I’ve been. Sad for the life I missed out on. I want to be more fun, more carefree, more giving, and loving. My Saboteur, Ms. Hyper-Rational, means I have thought my way out and in, almost every circumstance, and thinking doesn’t lend itself to spontaneity. I end up rationalizing why I can’t give of myself in some capacity, you know, I’ve got to save that energy (time, money, space, etc).

Here is an example: Sunday morning, a day to sleep in ends up looking like “if I get out of bed now (it’s 6:00 am), I can get my workout in, fix breakfast, do a load of laundry, write those emails, study a little about _____ and be ready to ‘enjoy’ the rest of the day!” What happened to sleeping in with my husband, enjoying a leisurely breakfast out (that would cost money and I might have to share), or deciding to hit some golf balls with him? That sounds like a Sunday.

Once you know your Type, you begin to question all of these knee-jerk reactions you have to EVERY SINGLE SITUATION and because I am the thinking type, I am now studying/learning how to handle these situations with my Sage to show up asking “What is the gift of this situation?” The gift of Sunday morning is not to make it a work day.

Oh, what else have I been missing? 

What have you been missing? 

Discover your Enneagram type, face your shadow, and really begin living the life you were meant to live.