Years ago, I remember Sarah Breathnach (I looked up her name) appearing on Oprah and talking about the power of gratitude, introducing the audience to her book, Simple Abundance. She shared with Oprah how her life had changed by implementing the simple act of keeping a gratitude journal - listing five things that happened to her during the day that gave her pause for gratefulness. The idea is that once you start acknowledging the things you are grateful for, you notice them and appreciate them in the moment and your life would change because of this state of gratitude, throughout the day. Everyone was keeping gratitude journals. Everyone. Except me.
I tried.
More than once.
But I couldn’t stick with the practice.
Fast forward, 30 years later (almost literally) and now I am reading Grateful by Diana Butler Bass. Apparently, not everyone was keeping those gratitude journals. Butler, I guess, struggled too, even with her doctorate in religious studies from Duke! She felt like it ended up being a list of entitled experiences:
I’m grateful for a nice lunch.
I’m grateful for the ability to pay my utilities.
I’m grateful for chatting with a friend.
I feel her. And while we both seemingly had much to be grateful for, it felt flat. Butler even studied the science behind the power of gratitude (short version - it is spectacular for your well-being). And then wrote her book about gratitude. Her take: this is a much deeper feeling than bullet points of life experiences. Let me explain.
My daughter calls me with a problem. Together, we discuss different solutions to the problem. We come up with a course of action. Yes, there were some tears involved too. Of course, I am thankful for the fact that she feels better leaving the conversation, but more importantly, the deeper part of this interaction is:
she called me
we connected AND
we both left the conversation changed.
This is the power of Presence, the Law of Three. The law of Three states in every new experience there are three forces involved:
affirming force
denying force
and a reconciling force.
When we have an experience in Presence, grace is always present. My daughter came to me with a problem (denying), I held her in love and connection (affirming), and together with the grace of Presence, we were able to come up with a next-step solution.
In my gratitude journal that night (yes, I’m trying again) instead of writing “Chloe called me.” I wrote, “Chloe and I connected over Pippin” (her new puppy). This is next-level gratitude.
This raises our vibrational energy according to Butler. And I felt it today on the drive to the grocery store. When the low tire pressure light forced me to pull over and pump the tire, again (I’m so sick of doing this! - denying force), I got back in the car, turned off Audible (affirming force) and this gave me space. I took in the scenery and found the beauty of a very cold winter Vermont morning on my 20-minute drive. I am grateful for the ability to buy groceries, to get my tire fixed on Monday AND more importantly, I’m grateful for the connection to this beautiful state. Something I would have missed if I kept grumbling about that dumb tire and lost myself in a book. Affirm. Deny. Reconcile. Gratitude.