I read a lot.  Maybe too much.  I can’t recall which book it was ( i said, I read a lot) but recently I read you can get in touch with your deeper self by reflecting on your favorite childhood fairy tales. It is said, these tales are a reflection of your life and they teach deep psychological lessons. OK, Julie, let’s dive in, what were your favorite fairy tales?    

Hmm, let’s see. I loved The Ugly Duckling. 

And I loved, hmmm, I loved…. Hold on.  Wait, I ONLY loved The Ugly Duckling.  I insisted my mother read only The Ugly Duckling to me every single night.  She got so sick of reading this tale to me, I think she ended up not reading to me anymore.   Before you judge her (and before I do), I’m talking hundreds and hundreds of times,  this ONE fairy tale.  No others, ever.  

Quick recap, A mother duck watches as her eggs hatch to discover one of them doesn’t look like the others.  This duckling is bullied and teased for not being like the rest but the mother duck loves her all the same.  The duckling knows she is different and one day after seeing swans and her reflection in the water, she realizes she wasn’t a duck at all, but a beautiful swan.   

That’s the quickie version. 

So what is it about The Ugly Duckling that can reveal my deepest darkest psychological lessons? 

I wasn’t really bullied.  Classmates thought I was stuck up.  I just didn’t want or need a bunch of friends (true to this day).   Check. 

I never thought I was beautiful, cute maybe but not beautiful.   I’ve always kind of liked it this way, so I don’t have any beauty hang ups.   Check.  

There are times I feel like I may have been born to the wrong family but this is only once in awhile (for example, this past weekend when we are all together).  Check.

What is it about this story?    

For as long as I can remember, I have felt I was meant for more.   A lot more.   Sure there were some hiccups along the way, but deep down, I knew I wanted to make a difference in the world.   When I was 8 months pregnant with my fourth child, I remember sitting in a large crowded room at Pace University, listening to some professors talk about what to expect in Law school.  Yes, I got accepted and was going to go to law school with four children under seven years old.    I actually thought I could do THAT.  I’m sure someone probably has, but it wasn’t me.  Plans derailed.  

I got trained to be a Guardian Ad Litem to represent children in court.  This is a challenging volunteer option when you don’t have the resources (friends or financial) to take care of those said four children when you are in court all day.   Derailed, again.  

I divorced my first husband, moved to Stowe, remarried,  had my fifth baby and started personal training with my husband at our gym  Yes, making a difference but not the difference.  All the while listening to self-care podcasts, reading almost a million self-help books, living in the present, meditating etc.  I volunteer at the prison (very rewarding) and I LOVE my coaching business.  So I can safely say 22 years after the first derail, “ON the rails.”

But now, I listen to my father, as he withers away.  He is talking regrets.  The football scholarship he didn’t take, working too much, not being a better grandparent (he has been amazing by the way) and his list goes on.   I don’t want to be on my deathbed and regret my choices.  I think this is his final lesson for me.   I’m listening, Daddy.  

Everyone has regrets but how can these be minimized? It’s time to go even deeper.  It’s time to do the real work.  It’s time to reflect on how I want to live.  

Here is how I plan to go deep so I can live my best life:    

I’m going to start by questioning myself.  Not just journaling but asking myself thought provoking questions, then getting quiet and listening for the answers.  

I’m going to listen more.  Not just to those answers, but to others.  The universe is whispering to us all the time.  Listen up. 

Commit to writing.  Not just here but in my journal as often as I can.  

Contribute more.  I have a goal in mind for my prison volunteering and I want to reach it this year.  

I need to plan my goals using mind-maps.  This is a great tool.  If you don’t know about it, Google it.  Download  the app Big Hairy Goal.  It makes planning more creative and fun and not in a linear way, which isn’t how plans work anyway.  

I want to continue to be present even when I’m by myself (put the phone down more often).  

And most importantly, I implore the Universe to “Use me every moment of every day.” 

The truth is,  we are all beautiful swans with so much more to offer, we just need to embrace the reflection.  

P.S. Let me know if you need some questions for self-reflection. I’m happy to help you!