If you look at my personal library you will see plenty of spiritual books teaching me how to be present. Pema Chodron, Eckhart Tolle, Don Miguel Ruiz, Deepak Chopra, John O’Donohue, Thich Nhat Hanh, Joe Dispenza have all played a role in my developing practice. But after 20 years of searching and acquiring way too many books on the subject, it was a moment at a stop-sign when everything came together.
I had received a text from a friend, a mentor really, with an attached picture of a text from a book she was reading. The text from the book was all about God. Yes, capital G-od. I don’t use that word much at all as it seems like such a loaded word. People have all kinds of hang ups with it (people meaning me). She had sent it to me because she thought my blog about how we can’t do this journey alone felt serendipitous - she had read this blurb the same day I had sent the blog. I “hearted” it and went about my day, contemplating why she sent it to me when I never even mentioned capital G-od in my blog. This friend and mentor is quite comfortable using God language and while I’m not, I can respect why she can.
On my commute to work (all of about six minutes) I listen to Russ Hudson’s book, The Enneagram - Nine Gateways to Presence (apparently another book about presence). As from my Eckhart Tolle days, I have this book on repeat. In the last chapter he talks about the need to be and grow in community. First, to just be a collective but then he says how important it is to have a community making a conscious effort to move together on the journey, to help one another, sharing insights, visions and support (hence, Messy to Magical). Sitting at the stop sign, listening to Russ, contemplating why the heck my friend sent me this blurb about God, this wave of presence overwhelmed me. I felt an energetic shield, or field, or blanket cover me and realized in that moment, this must be God. At that moment, in presence, I realized our journey always has our quiet companion, ready and waiting to be leaned on. It is in the moment, the presence, the breath, where we tap into our Truest Self, where we can make a better choice, a choice from our greatest gifts, and show up in the world filled with light and love. A place where Ego washes away and we show up One with God, One in God, in this field of infinite possibilities and we are not alone - ever.
Since that day, I continue to experience glimpses of this feeling. I can tap into it pretty easily with presence. I recognize most of the moments when I’m not present, I’m usually hijacked by some egoic structure meddling with my moment (typical Five structures - awkwardness, caught up in learning something, people intruding on my personal space). I recently asked one of my teachers about how to be more present throughout the day as this quiet companion of ours is always there, we just aren’t. All three teachers in my course of A Year in Conscious Living are deeply present when they are with us, deeply with God. She suggested the following:
Continue the 7-minute practice daily (non-negotiable)
Sometimes grace intervenes and there are people lucky enough to be touched by this
Bring awareness to the hijackings. Everything starts with awareness.
So now, even when I’m being hijacked I can observe this as a an egoic construct and while it may be getting the worst of me in that moment, I at least know it is happening. That is progress.
That moment at the stop sign changed my life. My 7 minute practices, my Enneagram learning and journey, my friend and God all came together in one moment to forever change how I experience Presence. Now, if I can just tap into that when the rest of the world is making me fall back into personality. That, after all, is the ultimate goal - every moment presence.