I know it is coming
the daylight
not as long
The trees shaking off
their colors
crimson
gold
tangerine
That feeling is coming
Blame it
on my least favorite
season approaching
That’s it, yes
that feeling
Winter is coming
and it is long
The soccer field sidelines
are windy now
and rainy
and did I mention
cold
Soon, we gain an hour of sleep
But not before
Halloween comes
and goes
Oh yes, this feeling
isn’t about Winter
Unlike the trees
I can’t shake this one off
until November first
When I’ve made it
through another Halloween
This feeling comes
and goes
But not without
weeks of anticipation
Every year I say
This year
will be different
this year
I will go down to Main Street
This year
I will take in the
booing ghosts
prepared-to-rescue super heroines
painstakingly sewn
or glued
or taped
Butterflies, Ladybugs
Bunch of Grapes
Race cars, Athletes
Monsters
An overflowing cornucopia
of make-believe
This year I will take them all in
And although the sentiment
Is legit
The thought of it
Makes my eyes water
Remembering my little
Ghost
Superheroine
or in my case
hot-glued
ladybugs
Do I really want to be that mom
disguised as a Killjoy
or not so disguised
crying at the sight
of the cutest little ones
as their magical night
unfolds?
It’s always been
one of my favorite nights
the innocence
and excitement
the anticipation
the thrill
of receiving from total strangers
a treat
or a
a trick
Remember to say thank you
The pillowcase getting heavier
Wow, they gave me a huge
candy bar
You have to wait until
we get home
Once home, their loot
spilled out onto the floor
counting the pieces
dividing them into groups
The older ones realizing
it is advantageous to retreat
Last year was better
No, it wasn’t
Chocolate ones here
hands-off ones there
or maybe organize them by color
Decisions decisions
The yucky ones handed
to a sibling or parent
Is there such a thing as a yucky one?
Ah yes, banana Laffy Taffy
or worse, a Twizzler
What no Smarties this year?
It’s been five years
since our home experienced
the ritual of candy divvying
Our last Halloween
was the one
we were allowed to come with him
Never too cool for us
yet Halloween was the exception
The next one on his own
and then there were none
for him
joining the ranks of
his older siblings
The inevitability I dreaded
I know he did too
The ghost of Halloween past
haunts me
every year
I can try to
blame it on the weather
But I know better
I miss my little ones’
little-ness
their wonder
excitement
the thrill of too much candy
even after I had pilfered through it
But I think maybe this loss
represents so much more
No more
Santa
Easter Bunny
Tooth Fairy
The loss of Innocence
This is a lucky life
without much struggle
or sadness
or loss
I know
This is a loss every
parent experiences
I know
Other mothers have
Lost so much more
Much deeper losses
Much harder losses
I definitely know
And we all know
when innocence is lost
the loss is felt
for some more than others
I know I am not ready
to enjoy
another family’s rite
Enjoying
their children’s screeches of delight
The passage of time will tell
Maybe that is
today’s lesson
More time is needed
and that is ok
Until another Halloween
comes around
When if the Spirit is ready
the ghost of Halloween past
may finally be laid to rest