Photo by Emma Schell on Unsplash
I’m taking a 13-month course with Russ Hudson and Jessica Dibb, masters of the Enneagram, although they would not use that label. Every week I walk away with my mind blown. Weeks ago, we were taught, albeit briefly, the Law of Three. Since then I have been chewing on this little nugget, contemplating how this shows up in my life.
In the Learning Lab part of the course, we were asked to consider how polarity shows up in our lives. I have to say, this was one of the easier questions posed and I still struggled with it. Polarity? Hmmm. Others shared. I observed and listened for weeks. I struggle with these heavy questions as I don’t think about life in these ways. This was also the class that asked about historic thinking vs. direct knowing. A little deeper reflection for me but I am pretty sure that is the point of this intensive. Anyway, I finally after a couple of weeks came up with a polarity in my life - missing Brock when he leaves and the excitement of his next chapter. I shared this with the class, through lots of tears and was met with lots of love and support. The support from people I hardly know. It was a good thing for this introverted Five to experience. Sharing my deeper feelings is something I don’t do often - another nugget from this course.
My polarity. The last one is leaving the nest. I know we are not the first couple to experience an empty nest. We chat at night as we doze off, how this one will be tougher than the rest since there were always backup children to fill the void. This time no backups. We have two cats but that isn’t quite the same (and no I will not be getting a puppy). After making school lunches for 32 years, this one is a tough one. In fact, I cried for just about 24 straight hours after making that lunch. (Don’t worry, the following Monday morning I was dancing around the kitchen realizing how much extra time I have in the morning!). I know this is just another chapter we must go through. So I turn to the Law of Three for some heart healing.
According to the Law of Three, this theory suggests at any given time in our lives, there are three forces - affirming (active, forward-moving), denying (passive and push back), and reconciling (neutralizing, transforming). The first two forces show up as opposition, or in the case of my Learning Lab question, polarity. But when the third force happens, change happens. Something new arises. All three forces are necessary for change to happen.
So in the case of my polarity (heartbreak/excitement), the denying is that he is leaving and the pain of missing him. I try not to think about it, but it is there nonetheless. The affirming is that excitement for him. He is going to West Point. What will unfold for him? The adventures, the struggles, the triumphs, all of it. So I ask myself what is this third force?
My Third Force is Ernie.
You see when he is sad about Brock leaving, and he tries to think about the adventure ahead, I am there to hold space for him, to transform the experience, not to deny or affirm, just neutralize it. This is transformative. He is my Third Force and I am his. Spiritually, I could throw some other forces out there as my Third Force - the Universe, my faith, Spirit, ______ (fill in the blank with however you relate to spirit) but for now, I’m thinking my husband fits the Third Force bill. If for some reason, he isn’t hacking it, I can rely on my Spirit.
We all have the ability to tap into something greater than us, at the moment, and lean into that Third Force. When you are contemplating those opposing forces, those polarities in your life, the denying and affirming forces, give yourself pause and reflect on what is your Third Force. You might be surprised by the answer and the transformation.