Photo by Sami Matias on Unsplash
A few years ago, questioning the contribution of my coaching practice “to the world” a friend gently reminded me of the ripple effect. Longing for a big punch, a big statement, that big moment so I could stake my place in the coaching world, I wondered aloud to her, in a very vulnerable moment, “Am I being effective?”
She said, “Jules (she is that kind of friend/coachee), look what you have done for me! I am a better friend, mother, wife, community member and employee because of you. Think about the ripple effect you have had in my life and in turn the world.”
Thanks for the reminder, babe.
Coaching a group the other night gave me the opportunity to use this great example. When working with our Saboteurs. According to PQ Intelligence ™, our Saboteurs:
are the voices in our heads that generate negative emotions while trying to handle life’s every day challenges
represent automated patterns in our minds for how to think, feel, and respond
are the cause of all of our stresses, anxiety, self-doubt, frustration, restlessness, and unhappiness
sabotage our performance, well-being, and relationships.
Our Saboteurs bring out the worst in us. And most likely bring out the worst in others. Causing storms that aren’t necessary, wreaking havoc on our days, weeks, months, and years of living on this planet. Storms that push one another, with rib shots, judgments, deliberately choosing to escalate conflict by actively engaging in it with our Saboteurs. Yes. You have a choice. These conflicts aren’t relationship builders. These are relationship destroyers. NOTHING good comes from our Saboteurs. Of course, relationships whether storms. The world provides plenty of opportunities, like a pandemic, for example. But we don’t need to be the ones to start the storms. It is time to bring awareness to the role you play. Trying to push people into submission is a lose-lose strategy.
So it is our job to be very aware of ourselves and the Saboteurs of others so we can limit stress and negativity in our lives and the lives of others. When we can take a breath, rub two fingers together or do any other kind of mindful practice (what PQ Intelligence™ calls a PQ rep) bringing awareness to our negative behaviors, we can then choose to behave differently, more positively. Only then can we show up with love and grace instead of our habitual patterns that are thoughtless and destructive and all about pushing the other person. With this practice, you can gently pull them into a more Sage-like (aka Spirit, Essence, True Self etc.) response. This gentle pull into calmer waters gives space for the ripple effect - where your best self can show up and in turn, bring out the better version of the person you might have otherwise “stormed” with. The power of our Sage is far greater than those dominating Saboteurs and when we give ourselves the space for our Sage to show up, it gives space for the Sage of others too. We can all ripple our way through life, dissolving the chaos of our created storms and gently pulling along the beauty that comes from showing up as our True Selves.