Shadow work sucks

Arrogantly, a few years ago, I boldly claimed I didn’t have any shadows. Either I was delusional, ill-informed or simply full of myself. Could be a combination of all three. Come to find out, we all have a minimum of three Shadows.

I was shocked to learn this recently in my Year of Conscious Living class but once it was explained, I quickly fell in line (and agreed). Yes, I hoard my resources. Check (Shadow #1). I can also get Restless (low side of my Seven arrow). Check (Shadow #2). But this last one, I had to discover while in the moment, the low side of my Eight arrow (bossiness). Check (Shadow #3).

Never had I considered myself bossy, but this wouldn’t be something I show to just anyone. Apparently, you only show this particular shadow-y side in your most secure relationships. Bossy Pants showed up on a car ride recently when I was feeling, let’s call it, triggered.

My husband likes to bring up big topics on the way home from our Burlington trips. I can almost guarantee when it is going to happen. Maybe he is tired or hungry or just deep in thought but about 20 minutes outside of Stowe, he will drop a bomb. This time it was regarding future plans and how we would probably be in Stowe longer than I might want to be.

Triggered.

I hate winters and I’m building my coaching practice so we can move. Not tomorrow, but let’s say five years out. With my dreams being pulled out from under me, I stated something along the lines, “Well, I guess I will be moving and you can visit me.” Whoa. That language NEVER comes out of my mouth. I have worked to be pretty go-with-the-flow (not my nature, just growth work). So when you start talking about having to live in long winters for longer than I care to think about, I get triggered.

What triggers you when you are with your loved ones? What is your reaction? If you need a little help discovering this third shadow, the most elusive one, email me and I can help you. Or you can look at the low side of your Growth Arrow. It will be there in all its glory. I promise. And then, the real work begins - observing, reflecting, and development (presence - the key to transformation). Have fun dealing with the suck.

Be on the lookout this Fall for Group coaching sessions by Type. We will mostly likely meet twice a month as a group. Sign ups will be in August. Stay tuned. And if you haven’t been typed…. remember I offer typing sessions for free. You’ll love it!

This week’s blog is all about Virtues. We are getting closer and closer to our True Selves! YAY you!

What Ninja and Ivy are teaching me.

I have two cats. They are siblings. One is a black cat (the one pictured) named Ninja and the other, a calico, named Ivy. The other morning, I glanced over from my Peloton and noticed how Ninja was waiting for his next meal. I got lazy a few months back and purchased an automatic feeder. He waits in his Docker’s box at the edge of the dining room table and stares at the automatic feeder. I’m fairly confident he doesn’t tell time because if he did, he would realize he has a minimum of two hours before his next meal. Ivy, on the other hand, goes about her business which only involves some form of sleeping (on a bunk bed, on my side of the bed, in my husband’s clothes he has left on the bed). She couldn't care less when the next meal was going to happen. Ninja is future-oriented. Ivy is present-oriented. I’m not confident an animal can be past-oriented, but I definitely am. This only came from giving some thought to my thoughts. All humans fall into these three categories with past, present, or future orientations. I didn’t know a cat could be future-oriented. I thought all animals were just deeply present. That is why it is so comforting to spend time with them. They are here, now. However, Ninja taught me something I should have known all along - he lives to eat no matter when that might be. That might be why he isn’t the most snuggly of types. He doesn’t want to waste time being with me, he’d rather be contemplating and preparing for when the food drops into his bowl. He is mission-oriented no matter the time of day. If he had an Enneagram type it would be either a 3, 7, or 8! They are doers, planners, and wondering “what’s next?”.

In the Enneagram world, there are three types of stances (Hornevian stances) which are the ways we approach life and get what we need: Compliant (Types 1, 2, and 6) Assertive (Types 3, 7, and 8), and Withdrawn (4, 5 and 9). Ivy is compliant - she lives in the present and is much more affectionate than Ninja. Ninja is assertive - he lives in the future and is mission-oriented (“When is the next time I eat?”), and I am withdrawn - where I focus on the past (observing the world and trying to figure things out). Knowing this about yourself doesn’t excuse you from these types of behaviors (I’m pretty sure, I can’t convince Ninja to change his ways), rather this knowledge opens our minds to other possibilities. You see, many of us are going through life without giving much thought to the why behind our actions. Understanding your Enneagram type will shed some light on this (among many other things) including your Hornevian Stance.

If you have already been typed and would like to meet again for a 15-minute follow-up to clarify your typing (I’m getting better at this!) OR you would like to schedule a FREE typing session, I would love to see you! Schedule those opportunities now: 15-minute follow-up or FREE Enneagram typing.

Last call for the deeply discounted Sage Journey!

PQ Intelligence™

The Sage Journey is a seven-week course designed to teach you how to tap into your Sage response. It is a beautiful investment in yourself and I’m offering this at a very deep discount.

What is this program exactly?

  • 7 weeks of self-care (where you will identify your sabotaging voices)

  • 3 of these weeks include Sage work (that positive voice where our most beautiful intentions come from)

  • Powered by PQ Intelligence app

  • Weekly weekend hour-long homework

  • Begins 10/31, 7:00 - 8:00 pm on Tuesdays

  • Special coupon: use the coupon SPECIALPRICING (gets you deeply discounted pricing off the regular price shown on my website)

  • Sign up with a friend and save even more!*

*Email me and let me know who you are signing up with so I can get you both in the system. 50% off is because you are sharing the cost or referring a friend. Either way - cheap cheap cheap!

The Sage Journey for Half the price, Group Coaching and FREE Typing Sessions!

PQ Intelligence™

Did someone say Self-Care for the Holidays? Did someone say 50% off? Yes, 50% off.

Now is the perfect time to carve out a self-care regimen in preparation for whatever is coming your way this holiday season. Do this with a friend and you both only pay for one!

What is this program exactly?

  • 7 weeks of self-care (where you will identify your sabotaging voices)

  • 3 of these weeks include Sage work (that positive voice where our most beautiful intentions come from)

  • Powered by PQ Intelligence app

  • Weekly weekend hour-long homework

  • Begins 10/31, 7:00 - 8:00 pm on Tuesdays

  • Special coupon: SPECIALPRICING (gets you deeply discounted pricing of regular price shown)

  • Sign up with a friend and share the cost!*

*Email me and let me know who you are signing up with so I can get you both in the system. 50% off is because you are sharing the cost or referring a friend. Either way - cheap cheap cheap!






Have you already been Enneagram typed?

Now it is time to get working on yourself

Join me beginning October 26th at 7:00 pm for my first Enneagram Group Coaching session where we tackle the Centers of Intelligence. This is a critical first step in balancing out these centers (aka mind, body, and spirit). This investment in your Enneagram Journey is only $35.



AN ENNEAGRAM TYPING SESSION WITH ME IS FREE!

The Enneagram provides a system for you to see the characteristics and qualities you have historically identified with and how you have coped with life. Based on your particular Enneagram orientation, you’ll gain insight into how you make decisions, handle stress, and interact with others. Much more than a personality test, the Enneagram provides the structure for the deep personal growth work we are meant to do while on this planet. No other system compares. If you have a friend who you think might enjoy this, please forward this newsletter to them.

Seven weeks of Self-Care (Holiday Prep!), Hyper-Rational Reflection and New Enneagram Group Coaching Offer

Seven weeks of

Self-Care

(Holiday Prep!)

Did someone say Self-Care for the Holidays? Now is the perfect time to carve out a self-care regimen in preparation for whatever is coming your way this holiday season.

This seven-week self-care program will help you identify the sabotaging voices in your head (your Saboteurs) and how you can change them into your Sage voice.  The ultimate in self-care, this program is an empowering journey, focusing most importantly on your self-talk and how this affects every part of your life.   Powered by the PQ Intelligence™ app and weekly group coaching sessions, your life will forever be changed for the positive!

We will meet for 7 weeks on Tuesday nights beginning 10/31 from 7:00 - 8:00 pm. Click here for more details and to sign up!

PQ Intelligence™

If you didn’t know a Hyper-Rational, you do now. Because this is my Saboteur (PQ Intelligence™). Remember, these Saboteurs are directly linked to a Type on the Enneagram and this one belongs to Type Five. Fives are capable of deep insight and understanding through analysis, have the ability to concentrate, dive in towards expertise and knowledge and have explorer and inventor tendencies. Fives are very private people (that is why I come across as stand-off-ish), show feelings through passion and ideas and prefer to observe and analyze from a distance.

The Hyper-Rational thoughts include “The rational mind is most important,” “Feelings are distracting and irrelevant,” “I need to shut out intrusions.” The lie this Saboteur tells you (me) is that that rational mind is the most important, feelings and needs are a wasteful intrusion, and emotions mess things up. These lies limit depth and flexibility in relationships and can intimidate less analytically thinking people.

I’m certainly not proud of my Saboteur, but I can see it clearly now and how it impacts my day to day interactions. I consciously make an effort to bring my Sage strengths to the present whenever I notice my Saboteur is getting in the way. For many people, we can go a lifetime without recognizing these negative behaviors as we have been wired to have them be our go-to reaction, no matter your dominant Saboteur.

I always say in coaching, “Awareness is the first step.” That is why it is so important to be typed properly. If you simply go off of a test you’ve taken or just listened to a podcast, you won’t be fully sure until you bounce thoughts and situations off of another person. I hope you take me up on the FREE Enneagram Session offer. It has been so fun discovering people’s types. My Investigative ways just thrive in these sessions. Book that here!

You’ve already been typed?

Then it is time to dive in. Join me beginning October 26th at 7:00 pm for my first Enneagram Group Coaching session where we tackle the Centers of Intelligence. This is a critical first step in balancing out these centers (aka mind, body, and spirit). You can join me here

This week’s blog is a reflection on my first 10 FREE sessions and what I have learned - to your BENEFIT

Saboteur "Victim" Reflection, Group Enneagram Coaching begins 10/26

Positive Intelligence™

Ah, the Victim. We all know one, we may even be one! According to Positive Intelligence™, we do have nine saboteurs, not all at once but throughout our lives. I’m not fully buying that idea, but I certainly buy into having at least one Saboteur (not including our Judge - which we all have).

I’m sure you can all recognize the Victims in your life, whether it is your go-to Saboteur, or a close friend or family member. The characteristics include being withdrawn and pouty, fairly dramatic and temperamental, when things get tough, they give up and they seek attention through having emotional pain.

The Victim’s thoughts include “No one understands me,” “I am uniquely flawed,” and “Poor me, terrible things happen to me all the time.” Victims feel alone, and melancholy and usually have negative comparisons and envy.

They justify their Victim behavior by telling the lies that this is the way they will get attention and that sadness is noble. Their childhood message included not feeling seen or accepted, that something especially was wrong with them.

But the Victim Saboteur has the positive sides of the Type 4 on the Enneagram. Their strengths include being sensitive, introspective, very perceptive of the nuanced inner workings of the mind, and very capable of using this strength to connect, teach, inspire, and heal others.

Like all Saboteurs, this is just the beginning of self-actualization. If the Victim is your go-to strategy when things are going South, then you may be an Enneagram Type 4. Self-reflection is the beginning of typing yourself on the Enneagram.

Not sure if you can do it alone? Book a free session and I will give you access to two assessments to help us figure out your type. Together we can nail down your type and then the fun begins!

I’VE BEEN TYPED NOW WHAT?

I get this question after most every Enneagram typing session. Sure, I follow up with an email with some general information but the real work is in learning more about who you are, your strengths, shadow, childhood message, Triad, Arrows, Wings and more. Where does an Enneagram type begin?

Well, the least expensive way is a DIY. Read what you can get your hands on, and listen to books, or podcasts. But the truth of the matter is, you need feedback. So many times in my typing sessions, listening to the client, I am able to reflect back to them something they did not realize they said. Or another group participant says something slightly differently and it deeply resonates with the client.

Beginning Thursday night, 10/26 at 7:00 pm, I will be offering a twice monthly Enneagram Group Coaching session where we will start tackling the nuances of the Enneagram beginning with the Triads, starting with The Centers of Intelligence: Head, Heart and Body. The Centers of Intelligence help identify our most accessible emotional response or reaction; for those with a Head Center, anxiety and distress, for those with the Heart Center, fear and shame, and for those coming from the Body Center, frustration or anger. We will dive into exactly what this all means for YOU that night. This is the beginning of learning more about yourself and a perfect opportunity to take your personal growth journey one step further. $35. Sign up today. Limited to 8 people.

Saboteur Pleaser Reflection and Mental Fitness Workshop begins 10/12

PQ Intelligence™

The Pleaser Saboteur, according to PQ Intelligence is the part of us that indirectly tries to gain acceptance and affection by helping, pleasing, rescuing, or flattering others. The Pleaser loses sight of their own needs and becomes resentful as a result (aka pride).

This Saboteur belongs to Enneagram Type 2. Type 2’s strengths include deep empathy, loving and giving, tuning into other people’s feelings and needs, being emotionally self-aware, and having high Emotional Intelligence. These are beautiful qualities. Each Enneagram has its strengths. Our Saboteurs take our strengths and distort their power.

The lies of this Saboteur include “I don’t do this for myself,” “I do this selflessly and don’t expect anything in return,” and “The world would be better if everyone acted this way.” Type 2s feel if they express their own needs they are being selfish. They worry that their own needs drive people away and they get resentful for being taken for granted but struggle to express this.

The Pleaser Saboteur jeopardizes the Type 2’s needs. It leads to burnout and resentment. Others may develop a dependence on you that isn’t healthy. Our Saboteurs always do the opposite of how we think it serves us. If any of this rings a bell, you might be a Type 2. We all know Type 2s. They are usually in the service-oriented industry, giving of themselves. Now you know a little about them.

If you think you are a Type 2, book a FREE Enneagram Session with me and we can confirm it. This will shed invaluable light on your strengths, shadow and how to get back to your True Identity - Will and Freedom.

I am so excited to be offering another workshop, Holding Space for Relationships PLUS Mental Fitness. We are currently working through a Health and Wellness PLUS Mental Fitness workshop, understanding the roles our Saboteurs play in our health decisions. Our Saboteurs wreak havoc on our relationships, too. However, going into the Mental Fitness seven-week series without the real knowledge of your Enneagram type does you a disservice, SO….. you will need to sign up for an Enneagram reading ASAP as I need a week to prepare your typing session and we start on the new Holding Space for Relationships PLUS Mental Fitness on 10/12. Limited to six people.

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

This Week’s blog is all about the ripple effect of our Sage and

how our Saboteurs are the causes of our storms.

Saboteur STICKLER Reflection, FREE Enneagram Typing Continues and this week's blog

According to PQ Intelligence™, our Saboteurs are the nasty voices in our heads, wreaking havoc on our minds and stress levels. This week, I am going to explore the Stickler.

PQ Intelligence™

The Stickler is associated with Enneagram Type 1. The Stickler seeks perfectionism and a need for order and organization too far. The Stickler offers a way of quieting the constant voice of self-judgment and fear of others’ judgments by trying to be perfect. Being punctual, methodical and a perfectionist might seem self-serving but these characteristics (as with all Saboteurs) are highly destructive. The lies of the Stickler include “it is up to me to fix whatever mess I encounter,” “this is my personal obligation,” and “I know how things should be done and must do the right thing.”

This leads to constant frustration and disappointment with self and others for not living up to the ideals and standards. The Stickler is a source of ongoing anxiety and frustration. It is how an Enneagram Type 1 expresses anger. The Stickler comes across as irritable, tense, opinionated, and sarcastic. Thoughts of this Saboteur include “right is right and wrong is wrong,” “if you can’t do it perfectly, don’t do it at all,” and “others simply aren’t as capable as me.”

Enneagram Type 1’s strengths include high ideals and standards. Type 1s are highly capable of leading self and others to live and work based on clear guiding principles. They are also incredibly self-disciplined and have a direct and discerning communication style.

You may not be a type 1, but if you know one, now you know why they behave the way they do and it will be helpful for you to give them some space and grace.

Enneagram typing is where everything begins when it comes to personal growth. I wouldn’t say you can’t grow without it, but it does give you a blueprint for growth and much more of a rudder to help you steer your ship. I will continue to offer this for FREE so please tell your friends (or better yet, forward this newsletter). I want to change the world. I want people to live their fullest lives and the Enneagram gives us direction and purpose so we can all live with intention. After your typing, you can continue to choose to invest in your growth with me as your coach OR you can do the work DIY. Either way, to me, it is a win-win.

This week’s blog is all about how feeling comfortable can lead to growth. Click on the picture below.

Photo by Suzanne D. Williams on Unsplash